The Legendary Dragon Quill
by Treefairy
Summary: Shameless self insert by ukchan. Traditional coupling, large amounts of OOCness and The Magical Pretty Priestess Momo...


Disclaimer: This is an ukchan original, k-chan was only providing the service of a car and a ride back to Tennessee in its creation. No towns were actually hurt in the creation of this story only cute little clay model ones k-chan made. OOOO yeah… we don't own slayers, cause if we did, their would have been an ending to the damn series not just some ambiguous transfer of a bracelet……. Long live kendo….  
  
The Legendary Dragon Quill  
  
Muffled thumps were ignored by an evil cackling girl with short brown hair, glasses and dressed in a priestess outfit. "At last, I have the dragon quill!" she shouted in an annoyingly high squeaky voice and brandished a golden feather pen. " This legendary quill will give me the power to write myself into any story and change it anyway I like! Finally Zelgadis and Lina can be together, thanks to the Magical Pretty Priestess Momo!!"  
  
  
  
The girl looked around the messy room, finding a half used notebook with some stupid story about Amelia and Zelgadis. After ripping out the offending pages, she started to write and was consumed by a bright golden flash. When the flash was gone, so was the girl. The only sound to be head was the angry muffled cursed and thumping coming from the closet.  
  
  
  
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Lina and Gourry were happily stuffing their faces, when a chill went down their spines. They quickly looked around, but seeing nothing that could have caused it , returned to eating but at a slower rate.  
  
"So Gourry, what was it you wanted to tell me?" Lina asked around a mouthful of steak.   
  
  
  
"Well," Gourry said, looking nervous" I want to tell you that I… he gulped…"That I l-" Suddenly he stopped.  
  
"Gourry?" Lina asked worriedly. "You okay?"  
  
Gourry blinked slowly, then looked at Lina with a vacant expression. "Who are you? Where am I ? Have you seen my socks?"  
  
Lina fell over. "Gourry! What are you..?"  
  
"I have the urge to find Sylphil. Who's she?" He asked stupidly as he walked out the door. Lina watched him go, totally baffled. She froze suddenly, as Gourry had before. When she blinked, she looked like she was about to cry. "Where's Zelgadis" she sniffed, then left the inn.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
The Lord of Nightmares stared speechlessly from the Sea of Chaos. She used every curse word she knew, which took about an hour to recite. What had happened to Gourry and Lina? Deciding to check on some of her other children, she looked in on Lina's friends. First, the justice loving crazy princess.  
  
Amelia, dressed in a black battle bikini similar to her lost sister's, grinned as Seyruun burned. A young man crawled up to her to beg for mercy. She speared him with a discarded guard's spear while laughing like her elder sister.  
  
  
  
The Lord of Nightmares blinked, then turned her attention to the depressed chimera.   
  
Zelgadis sat on a rock sawing away at his stone wrist with a dagger while muttering about how much he loved Lina.  
  
"What is all of this? Dammit! Who's screwing up my world?" The mother of all shouted. She then spotted a disturbance in the force. A girl dressed in the Japanese priestess outfit scribbling in a notebook with a quill she should not have. "How in my name did she get that?!? Looks like I'll need THEM." she muttered.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Ukchan yawned ass she inserted the key into the door and entered the apartment she shared with her roommate and best friend K-chan. She looked around the trashed apartment, then nodded. All was in place. "Hey K-chan! I got pocky!"   
  
  
  
The sounds of muffled curses and banging came from K-chan's room. Cautiously, Ukchan approached. "Um K-chan? You're dressed, right?" More thumping and muffled curses. "Alright, I'm coming in."  
  
Ukchan burst through the door to see K-chan's normally trashed room, the computer still on another fan fiction page, and the remains of K-chan's prized Amelia/Zel fic. More thumping came from the closet, so Ukchan opened it to have K-chan fall out into the floor. "Ummmm errrr K-chan what exactly are you doing in the closet?"  
  
"Forget that and untie me, moron!" K-chan shouted. Shrugging, Ukchan untied K-chan and K-chan began shaking Ukchan. "She stole the damned quill! That lousy Zel/Lina loving bitch stole the quill I was supposed to protect!"  
  
Before Ukchan could comment, the two were engulfed in a golden light. When they could see again, they came face to knee with a woman dressed in gold, with golden hair shading her eyes and a large golden shovel.  
  
"Hey ain't you LON?? Ukchan asked. "And what's on my head?"  
  
"UKCHAN YOU IDIOT YOU DON'T SPEAK TO THE MOTHER OF ALL LIKE THAT , AND BY THE WAY YOUR EXCELLENCY WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME????!!!!"  
  
"Yes, I'm the Lord of Nightmares, and I've dragged you two and placed you in these forms to save one of my worlds." the golden lady said.  
  
Ukchan looked herself over finding that she was a rather large gray wolf with a Ryogaesque bandanna tied around her neck. K-chan was now a little gray kitten with a giant blue bow around her neck. "Cool." they said.   
  
"So is it that damned Zel/Lina bitch?" K-chan asked crossing her short, stubby paws.  
  
"Yes. She has the quill and is undoing all of my hard work! Do you know how hard it is to keep Amelia sane, or Zelgadis from being suicidal? They were made the way they were to need each other!" The Lord of Nightmares complained.  
  
"No problem! Leave it to us!" Ukchan saluted.  
  
"Excellent. Gather Lina, Gourry, Zelgadis, and Amelia then get the quill. Hurry before she corrupts my dragons and demons!" she ordered. She then handed them something that looked like that dragon ball tracker from DBZ. "Use this to find them."  
  
Ukchan and K-chan blinked and found themselves in a forest. "Say K-chan, how'd you lose that quill thingy anyways? You were entrusted with the Dragon Quill by Luna because she didn't want and freaky fanfic authors to get a hold of it."  
  
K-chan blushed from her position atop Ukchan's head. "Well I kinda pulled another all nighter reading fanfic so was only half awake when the evil bitch knocked on our door. And I wasn't expecting to be smacked over the head with a large fish either. I guess hiding it in my underwear drawer wasn't such a great idea."  
  
"Hey look, the DBZ thingy is blinking! Let's go!" Ukchan said excitedly and bounded off with K-chan clutching her bandanna for dear life.  
  
The two part- time heros stumbled onto a large bandit encampment. On a raised daise , sitting on a throne lounged Amelia in a battle bikini. "Dance, my minions!" she shouted, then gave a full blown Naga laugh. The bandits promptly broke out into river dance.  
  
Ukchan looked from the tracker to the throne then back. "It says that's Amelia. That can't be Amelia."  
  
K-chan smacked Ukchan. "Of course it is! I can tell! Oh what evil has that Zel/Lina bitch spread!"  
  
The part-time heros approached the throne. "Um, Amelia?" Ukchan asked nervously.  
  
"That's the Tyrant Bandit Queen Amelia to you, talking wolf!" Amelia shouted, laughing again.  
  
The wolf and cat looked at each other. "Um, if you come with us, we'll show ya to a place that's having a huge sale on thongs." K-chan said.  
  
"Really? Okay!" Amelia said brightly and then turned to the bandits. "You are all free to go." she said haughtily.  
  
Ukchan nodded uncertainly, then looked at the tracker again. "Let's follow this blinking dot." she pointed with a claw.  
  
"K-chan looked down at said dot. "Hey, Its coming towards us."  
  
Suddenly Gourry appeared. "Hey where am I? Excuse me, can you point me in the direction of Sylphil's house?" The part-time heros looked at each other and grinned.   
  
"Suuuurrreee." Ukchan grinned innocently. "We'll be happy to help you. Just follow us!"  
  
So the part-time heros led a very stupid Gourry and a terrorist Amelia who constantly kept wanting to stop and sack villages , to search for Zelgadis and Lina. Using the tracker, they found them easily, but weren't prepared for what they found.   
  
"Lina, I love you, but I can't go on living!" Zel shouted, tormented.  
  
"Oh, Zel! I've loved you all along!" Lina cried, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Ukchan, Amelia, and even the stupid Gourry looked a little sick while K-chan simply passed out. "I'm going to be sick Ukchan groaned.  
  
"Isn't it cuuuute!" Gushed a strange, irritating voice.  
  
Ukchan jumped back and looked at the odd girl in the priestess outfit clutching the golden quill. "Who the hell are you?!?"  
  
The girl blinked then grinned as she posed. "I'm The Magical Pretty Priestess Momo!!!"  
  
K-chan sat up, "The hell you are! You imposter! That's my other name!"  
  
"Yeah right. Who are you two anyways? I don't remember any characters like you!" MPPM snorted.  
  
K-chan retook her position on top of Ukchan's head and they puffed their chests' out. "Were Ukchan and Kchan! Guardians of the Dragon Quill!"  
  
MPPM looked confused. K-chan leapt into action, spring boarding off of Ukchan's head and snatched the quill and notebook. "Mwah ha ha ha! I've got it! Wait, what's this shit!" K-chan gasped in horror.  
  
"No!" MPPM leapt at the little gray cat who was scribbling in the notebook.  
  
The first thing to happen was that MPPM (the fake one mind you) was wrapped up in chains with a large piece of tape covering her mouth. Next, the tampered characters were returned to normal….. Sort of.  
  
Lina and Gourry were cuddled up.  
  
"Lina"  
  
"Gourry"  
  
"Lina"  
  
"Gourry"  
  
  
  
Amelia and Zelgadis were professing their undying love in poetic flowery words. Before K-chan could write anymore, the Lord of Nightmares showed up and smacked K-chan with her shovel. She then forced her to fix it right.  
  
"Oh my God! I REALLY hope that was just a dream!" Lina ranted.  
  
Gourry frowned but didn't say anything, of course, when he spotted Amelia in her get up.   
  
Zelgadis mumbled about the stupidity of it all, when Amelia placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and took in her outfit. Blood spurted from his nose and he passed out. "Um Mr. Zelgadis?"  
  
Lina noticed the problem. "Um Amelia? Check your outfit out." Amelia screeched when she saw what she was wearing and hid behind a tree.  
  
"Well there ya go LON! Back to normal. We'll just take this weirdo off and rehide this quill.  
  
"Want me to fix Seyruun?" K-chan asked L-sama excitedly.  
  
"No! No!" L-sama shouted, then composed herself. "I'll handle things from here. You go on."  
  
The two part-time heros left with their captive and returned to their apartment. After discovering that the girl was actually some loon named Mary who happened to love K-chan's other name and decided to steal it, they scolded her and threatened her excessively, then booted her out telling her never to return or die.  
  
After staring at the quill for awhile, Ukchan got an idea. "Hey, let's pretend it's a normal pen and hide it in the pen holder!"  
  
K-chan shrugged, placed it in the pen holder and forgot about it, enjoying her pocky while reading more fanfics. 


End file.
